Doubtbusters: Erase Self-Limiting Beliefs

Learn how to break out of your can’t-do mindset to achieve big goals.

Tory Johnson

Let’s say your child comes to you and explains that he or she wants to run for class president. Would you look your little pride and joy in the eyes and say, “Don’t bother. You’re not that popular, and there are some really cool kids going for that job. There’s no chance you’ll win”?

Of course you wouldn’t say that. You’d muster endless enthusiasm and prepare for a heated campaign—maybe head to the bookstore and buy Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. “Let’s make it happen,” you’d say. “We’ll create the best campaign slogan, design the coolest posters and start shaking hands.”

Here’s the problem: Somehow between childhood and adulthood, many of us quash our natural inclinations to dream and do big. Tiger kids become scaredy-cat adults, hampered by self-limiting beliefs that flatten our self-esteem, hurt productivity and dampen success.

“When you think about all the struggles we go through in life, most of it comes from our self-limiting beliefs,” says Arizona-based entrepreneur mentor Ali Brown. “When we’re stuck, it’s not because we are held back by someone else.” Brown suffered from that mentality for years, thinking she wasn’t good enough to work for herself. Then in the late 1990s she met a freelancer for the company where she worked full  time.

“He was nice, but not too smart, and made a great living working for himself,” Brown recalls. “I thought, Wow, I think I can do this.” She went out on her own a few months later. Today she surrounds herself with “positive people who do great things. They make me realize what I am capable of.”

When you replace negative limits in your beliefs about yourself with positive images that focus on your potential, “your success increases exponentially,” Brown  says.

For a moment, suspend any glass-half-full tendencies and be honest with yourself, even if memories like Brown’s make you cringe because they’re all too familiar.

Answer yes or no to these scenarios. Have you ever:

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Welcome to the dkburgess Website

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If you have arrived at this Web Site, feel free to browse for information to help you implement the Sandler system.

Contact me at the following:
Email: dburgess@sandler.com
Phone: (919) 802-8564
Skype: darylbu
Twitter: @darylburgess #darylfeedback
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/darylburgess
View Daryl Burgess's profile on LinkedIn

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The 10 Rules of Change

The 10 Rules of Change

Self-change is tough, but it’s not impossible, nor does it have to be traumatic, according to change expert Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. Here, he lays out the 10 principles he deems necessary for successful change.

My mother died on Christmas day of a massive heart attack. I later counted 15 self-help books on her shelves, but found each offered only broad ideas; none provided the specifics necessary to save her life.

Like my mother, many of us want to change but simply don’t know how to do it. After 25 years of researching how people change, I’ve discovered 10 major principles that encompass all self-change strategies. I’ve broken down those principles and, using one example—a man’s desire to be more punctual—I demonstrate strategies for implementing change in your own life.

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23 Psychological Life Hacks

23 Psychological Life Hacks to get an Advantage

by Nathan Svenson – 

mindhacks

Have you always wondered about the subtle things you can do to totally improve the outcome of a situation? It is something that I have constantly been thinking about.

After spending some time searching up on the subject I came across some incredible bits of advice from a reddit discussion. From this, I’ve pulled out and organized users’ top advice on how to improve your outcomes.

23 psychological Life Hacks to get a Situational advantage.

  1. When you first meet people try to notice their eye color while also smiling at them. It might be because you look for a second or two longer, but all I can tell you is that people really respond to it.
  2. Pay attention to people’s feet. If you approach two people in the middle of a conversation, and they only turn their torsos and not their feet, they don’t want you to join in the conversation. Similarly if you are in a conversation with a coworker who you think is paying attention to you and their torso is turned towards you but their feet are facing in another direction, they want the conversation to end. You should check out Carol Kinsey Goman’s research on these types of things in the workplace.
  3. Foot-in-the-door phenomenon. People are more likely to agree to do a task for you if you ask them to do something simpler first. (Gradual Commitment… makes people them think you like them)
  4. Alternatively you ask them to do an unreasonable task, and they’ll say no, so then you ask for what you wanted, a much more reasonable task, and they’re more likely to agree that way.
  5. If you ask someone to do you a small favor, cognitive dissonance will make them believe that because they did that favor, they therefore must like you. (Ben Franklin)
  6. If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.
  7. Chew gum when you’re approaching a situation that would make you nervous like public speaking or bungee jumping. I can’t remember where I heard it but apparently if we are ‘eating’ something in our brains trip and it reasons ‘I would not be eating if I were danger. So I’m not in danger’. Has helped calm me a few times.
  8. Avoid the sidewalk shuffle by looking intently over the person’s shoulder, or between people’s heads in a group. Your gaze shows them where you’re going. They’ll drift toward the opposing side / create a gap to avoid you.
  9. When you’re studying/learning something new, teach a friend how/about it. Let them ask questions. If you’re able to teach something well, you understand it.
  10. People will remember not what you said but how you made them feel.
  11. For interviews I recommend altering your psychological state beforehand. Tell yourself “I’ve known these people all my life. We’re old friends catching up. I can’t wait to see them”. Visualize the experience, shaking hands, making eye contact, having conversation. What things can you not to wait to tell them? Hold an open pose…stand with your legs apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back while doing this and SMILE. This may sound cliche but you are in charge of your own psychological state and the power of suggestion is strong.
  12. If you get yourself to be really happy and excited to see other people, they will react the same to you. It doesn’t always happen the first time, but it will definitely happen next time.
  13. My personal favorite is when people are angry at me; if I stay calm it’ll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after.
  14. If you have a warm hand when you shake somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with.
  15. People have a certain image of themselves and will fight tooth and nail to cling to it. Use this information wisely. You can make people dislike you by attacking their self-image.
  16. False attribution of arousal. When you take somebody out on a first date, take them somewhere exciting that will get their heart beating. e.g. roller coaster or horror film. This gets their adrenaline up. It makes them think they enjoy spending time with you rather than the activity.
  17. The key to confidence is walking into a room, and assuming everyone already likes you.
  18. The physical effects of stress (increased breathing rate, heart rate ect.) mirror identically the physical effects of courage. So when you’re feeling stress from any situation immediately reframe it: your body is getting ready to do courage, it’s Not feeling stress.. A great example of cognitive reframing, researchers found that you do better when you appraise a stressful situation as a challenge, not a threat
  19. Refer to people you’ve just met by their name. People loving being referred to by their name, and it will establish a sense of trust and friendship right away…
  20. If you make the biggest smile you can, you will automatically feel happier
  21. The moment your alarm wakes you up, immediately react by sitting up, pump your fists and shout “YEAH!”
  22. Always give your kid a choice that makes them think they are in control. For instance when I want him to put his shoes on I will say ,”do you want to put your star wars shoes on or your shark shoes on?”
  23. People are extraordinarily aware of their sense of touch. If someone (a member of the opposite sex?) ‘Accidentally’ rests their knee on yours, let’s say, they know it’s there.

3 Books to learn more Psychological Life Hacks

dalecarnegiejustlistencaldini

 

 

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30 Brilliant Psychological Life Hacks

30 Brilliant Psychological Life Hacks That Successful People Have Been Using Forever

These 24 psychological life hacks have been practiced by successful people for years, and it’s time you took advantage of these mind tricks that can vastly improve your life. These small shifts will give you greater control of potentially important outcomes, from everyday situations to stressful job interviews. I’ve adapted these awesome pieces of advice from an AskReddit thread on the topic.

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Left Brain or Right Brain?

Which Way is She turning?

What do you see in the picture below? Is the lady turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?
 turning-girl-yale-iq-test1

If you see this lady turning clockwise you are using your right brain. If you see her turning anti-clockwise, you are using your left brain. Some people can see her turning both ways, but most people see her only one way.

See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain’s current. If you can switch between seeing her turn either way at will without shifting your gaze, your IQ is above 160 … which is almost at genius level!

This was devised at Yale University for a 5 year study on the human brain and its functions. Only 14% of the US population can see her move both ways.

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15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

From www.wakingtimes.com

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

March 30, 2012
Purpose Fairy

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. Continue reading

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Common Denominator of Success – Albert E.N. Gray

Special Thanks to Brian Sullivan for passing this along:

 

THE COMMON DENOMINATOR OF SUCCESS By Albert E.N. Gray

THE COMMON DENOMINATOR OF SUCCESS is as timely and inspirational, as it was when it was first delivered in 1940. Though it was written for life insurance professionals, it’s message is equally well suited to anyone in the sales profession, or anyone in any field of endeavor who seeks success in their professional, personal or spiritual lives.

THE COMMON DENOMINATOR OF SUCCESS Reprinted June, 1992

This inspiring message by Mr. Gray is one of the most timeless pieces of life insurance literature.
It first appeared as a major address at the 1940 NALU (National Association of Life Underwriters) annual convention in Philadelphia and has been available to association members in pamphlet form ever since. Although our author has passed away, his words of wisdom and moving philosophy — so manifest in “The Common Denominator of Success” — are part of the current life insurance scene and have real meaning for today’s professional life underwriter.
Mr. Gray was an official of the Prudential Insurance Company of America and had 30 years of continuous experience both as an agent in the field and as a promoter and instructor in sales development. He was known throughout the country as a writer and speaker on life insurance subjects.

Several years ago I was brought face to face with the very disturbing realization that I was trying to supervise and direct the efforts of a large number of men who were trying to achieve success, without knowing myself what the secret of success really was. And that, naturally, brought me face to face with the further realization that regardless of what other knowledge I might have brought to my job, I was definitely lacking in the most important knowledge of all.
Of course, like most of us, I had been brought up on the popular belief that the secret of success is hard work, but I had seen so many men work hard without succeeding and so many men succeed without working hard that I had become convinced that hard work was not the real secret even though in most cases it might be one of the requirements.
And so I set out on a voyage of discovery Continue reading

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10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People

From listverse.com:

Gregory Myers

Before we get started, it’s important to note that none of these methods fall under what we would term the dark arts of influencing people. Anything that might be harmful to someone in any way, especially to their self esteem, is not included here. These are ways to win friends and influence people using psychology without being a jerk or making someone feel bad.
10 Get Favors

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Trick: Get someone to do a favor for you—also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.

Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a man who didn’t like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book and when the book was received he thanked him graciously. As a result, this the man who had never wanted to speak to him before, became good friends with Franklin. To quote Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

Scientists decided to test this theory and found that those who were asked by the researcher for a personal favor rated the researcher much more favorably than the other groups did. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the theory is pretty sound. If someone does a favor for you, they are likely to rationalize that you must have been worth doing the favor for, and decide that therefore they must like you. Continue reading

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Cognitive Bias

The following is a great article on the Cognitive Bias that we need to be aware of.

The 12 cognitive biases that prevent you from being rational

The 12 cognitive biases that prevent you from being rational

The human brain is capable of 1016 processes per second, which makes it far more powerful than any computer currently in existence. But that doesn’t mean our brains don’t have major limitations. The lowly calculator can do math thousands of times better than we can, and our memories are often less than useless — plus, we’re subject to cognitive biases, those annoying glitches in our thinking that cause us to make questionable decisions and reach erroneous conclusions. Here are a dozen of the most common and pernicious cognitive biases that you need to know about.

Before we start, it’s important to distinguish between cognitive biases and logical fallacies. A logical fallacy is an error in logical argumentation (e.g. ad hominem attacks, slippery slopes, circular arguments, appeal to force, etc.). A cognitive bias, on the other hand, is a genuine deficiency or limitation in our thinking — a flaw in judgment that arises from errors of memory, social attribution, and miscalculations (such as statistical errors or a false sense of probability).

Some social psychologists believe our cognitive biases help us process information more efficiently, especially in dangerous situations. Still, they lead us to make grave mistakes. We may be prone to such errors in judgment, but at least we can be aware of them. Here are some important ones to keep in mind. Continue reading

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